You turn on your computer, cell phone, ipad, ipod, or other connectable device and post throughout your day. How things are at school or work, answer comments, and chat with whoever's on. Hours ooze by without notice. This is socializing right? Before you decide how to answer that question I'd like to make a few points, some from research, others from my personal experiences.
Often when I'm online chatting with a friend I find myself asking things like:"Is she mad at me?" "Did I offend her?" "Is she really just fine?" These questions arise for a very simple, too often ignored reason. According to Communication-What Percentage is Body Language, by Lucy Debenham words and their literal meaning account for a mere 7% of our communication. The rest is the tone of the voice (38%) and finally body language (a whopping 55%) So, when you're chatting, posting, or commenting you are only really using about 7% of your communication skills. No wonder we have trouble discerning what we're really saying to each other. This brings me to the next point I want to make.
A Miscommunication Network
With so little that's communicated online, the rest is open to assumption. It is very easy to misinterpret the intentions of the person you're talking to. Note the following illustration.
Jennifer Freekowt: Life really sucks! I was just a second or two late to class and now I've got a detention! It's not fair!
(Comments)
Zack Lawjick : Was that your third tardy?
Jennifer Freekowt: Why are you taking his side?! I thought we were friends!
Zack Lawjick: Woe, chill. I'm not saying you're always late. I'm just trying to help. Maybe your teach thought you were late three times when you were only late twice.
Jennifer Freekowt: Oh. Well, that doesn't really help.
Lucy Invayd: Zack, telling her to chill when she's upset is so mean. You're so insensitive!
Zack Lawjick: Sorry.
From this conversation, the following posts ensue over the next day or two.
Lucy Invayd: You know what really gets me, when jerks say that they're sorry for hurting you. Really, can you get any faker!!!! When I get an apology I want an actual apology. You don't have to be on your hands and knees or anything, just mean it. Anyone else get this issue with their "friends"?
Jennifer Freekout: All I wanted to do was vent a little, then you come charging in and talk like you understand all my problems. Until you've walked in my shoes you've got no business judging me!
This mess came entirely from the misinterpretation of Zack's intentions. The "social media" is filled to bursting with conversations and statuses like this one. Friendships have been destroyed by it and they continue from one assumption to the next, spreading their disagreement all over the place to call both friends and strangers to their side of an online war. True, misunderstanding is not isolated to the online scene. But online it's far easier to slip into this pattern and to become obsessed.
Don't Chuck It, Just Redefine
The problems I've mentioned above are far from all there is to it. There are plenty of other problems I haven't addressed and, despite all such disadvantages, I'm not saying that all of it is evil and we must throw away our computers and phones. All I'm saying is that the exalted position we give it in our lives is wrong. Just redefine it. Instead of the Social Network, it ought to be called the Sharing Network or the Posting Places. Put it aside and spend some time living. Then, post all those wonderful experiences in a way that makes friends and family wish they were there too. Once it's all in proper perspective, then we'll really be connecting.
